In the wake of a brutal report showing U.S. job growth slowing and unemployment rising, President Donald Trump did what any sensible leader would do: He fired the person responsible for the report.

I applaud Trump’s decision, part of his ongoing war with numbers he doesn’t like. For far too long, Americans have allowed “low” or “bad” numbers – from grades to bank accounts to performance reviews – to dictate how they feel about themselves.

Our bold president is changing that outdated form of thinking, instilling in all of us the belief that we can believe whatever we want to believe, ignoring dumb liberal concepts like “facts,” “numbers” and “reality.”

The Aug. 1 jobs report (allegedly) showed that employers added only 73,000 jobs in July. Also, as USA TODAY reported: “Job gains for May and June were revised down by a whopping 258,000, portraying a much weaker labor market than believed in late spring and early summer.”

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How dare stupid ‘numbers’ throw a wrench in Trump’s Golden Age

I was specifically told by none other than President Trump that we are entering a Golden Age, that America is the “hottest” country in the world, and our economy has never been better. So, like Trump, I choose to believe these numbers are not real, much like I choose to believe the numbers on my Marxist liberal bathroom scale are not real shortly before I throw it out the window.

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Hours after the jobs report was released, Trump threw Bureau of Labor Statistics commissioner Erika McEntarfer metaphorically out the window, writing on Truth Social in a completely sane and rational manner:

“I was just informed that our Country’s ‘Jobs Numbers’ are being produced by a Biden Appointee, Dr. Erika McEntarfer, the Commissioner of Labor Statistics, who faked the Jobs Numbers before the Election to try and boost Kamala’s chances of Victory. This is the same Bureau of Labor Statistics that overstated the Jobs Growth in March 2024 by approximately 818,000 and, then again, right before the 2024 Presidential Election, in August and September, by 112,000. These were Records — No one can be that wrong? We need accurate Jobs Numbers. I have directed my Team to fire this Biden Political Appointee, IMMEDIATELY. She will be replaced with someone much more competent and qualified. Important numbers like this must be fair and accurate, they can’t be manipulated for political purposes. McEntarfer said there were only 73,000 Jobs added (a shock!) but, more importantly, that a major mistake was made by them, 258,000 Jobs downward, in the prior two months. Similar things happened in the first part of the year, always to the negative. The Economy is BOOMING under ‘TRUMP’ despite a Fed that also plays games, this time with Interest Rates, where they lowered them twice, and substantially, just before the Presidential Election, I assume in the hopes of getting ‘Kamala’ elected – How did that work out? Jerome ‘Too Late’ Powell should also be put ‘out to pasture.’ Thank you for your attention to this matter!”

I, for one, welcome Trump’s era of only believing numbers that are good

Those evidence-free claims make perfect sense and sound totally legit. It also does not seem at all hypocritical that the White House, in June, proudly boasted about BLS data showing core inflation holding steady. Those were good numbers, so the people distributing get them get to keep their jobs. Duh.

It’s high time American numbers and the people who use them recognize they will be held accountable for making President Trump look bad. (I’m looking at you, polling numbers.)

The last thing our economy needs is a bunch of negative numbers accurately portraying the state of things. The Trump administration is all about positivity, and anyone who says otherwise will be fired IMMEDIATELY!

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk